My friend steph was flying out to Denver the other day and she mentioned that she did not want to pay for parking for five days (she was flying out of DCA), so I told her that she should park her car at my buddy Steve’s house in Woodbridge. That way, Reifsnyder could drive her to the airport, and I could pick her up after she got back and take her to her car, all for free, since we are such nice guys. She agreed, and two days later, she drove up from Newport News and dropped the car off. That is when we decided that we should punish her for trusting us. I had Reifsnyder take a picture of her car and send it to me, and with a little Photoshop magic, I added a nice, fat dent in the side:
I then had Reifsnyder leave her cryptic messages for a few days, indicating that something had happened to her car, but he did not say what. Finally, on the day she was returning, he sent her the pic and said he did not know what happened. She was understandably shaken up, so she called me to yell. Feigning ignorance, I mentioned that Reifsnyder (a borderline sociopath known for his ridiculous antics) probably hit the car on purpose, because he thinks that sort of thing is funny. She then called him and continued her tirade, only to have Reifsnyder tell her that he was pretty sure that Kenny (Reifsnyder and Steve’s roommate) hit it the other night while drinking, as Kenny had been acting very fishy the past two days and they had not seen nor heard from him; a sure sign that he is up to no good. While Steph prepared to bitch Kenny out and possibly sue him (she is a lawyer), we prepared for stage two of the gag.
Steve works at an auto body collision center, so I had him draw up some paperwork indicating that the car had been fixed, but to the tune of $1500. Then, being the nice guy that I am, I told Steph not to worry, that I had a guy that can take care of this sort of thing and I would see if he could get over there with a suction cup and have the whole thing fixed by the time we got back.
When we finally did arrive, Steph examined her car and was impressed with the workmanship. Reifsnyder’s comment of, “It’s almost as if nothing happened at all.”, was spot on. Then Steve presented her with the bill. That’s when she lost it. She starts up about how she doesn’t have the money to pay, Kenny should pay it, she will have to take care of it later, etc., etc. As I’m sure this put her in a bit of a pissy mood, she was anxious to simply take the bill and split the scene back to Newport News. That’s when Steve told her he couldn’t release the car to her without a $500 deposit. I almost lost it at that point, as Steph really started to get upset. Flanagan (another buddy who was there)’s comment of, “Maybe you should call your mom.” started to crack me up, but I maintained my professional composure.
Steph did not call her mom, but rather her insurance company (I hate smart girls). We didn’t want it progressing outside our circle of awesomeness, for a variety of professional and legal reasons, so that is when we told her the truth. We all had a good laugh, us more so than her. It could be argued that since she did not cry, the mission was a failure, but at least we ruined part of her day, which is payback for her making prank phone calls a few days before. A time-consuming trick, but a small price to pay for the smiting of one’s friends.
Here’s my version:
I parked my car at Jason’s house so I wouldn’t have to pay for parking in DC. So generous of Hal to suggest and Jason to agree! I called Jason on my way back from Denver to catch up and make sure my car was still there. I asked if he had any good stories (typical Steph Sauer question) and he said he had a story but I wasn’t going to like. He said it had to do with my car. As soon as he said that I had to board the plane so I hung-up on him without hearing what happened. I initially thought he was just messing with me. When I got to Chicago for my layover I had a text picture of my car with a huge dent/dimple in the drivers side car. I text him, “dude! seriously!?! what happened!?!” I no longer thought he was “just messing with me.”
I assumed Jason didn’t respond because he was at work. I forwarded the picture to Hal and asked if he knew what was going on. He didn’t respond so I called him. I needed answers. He said he didn’t get the text pic because he was the metro. I told him about the picture and asked if he had heard anything about my car. He said Jason hadn’t told him about the car. He apologized and said that Steve could probably get it fixed. Hal seemed very sincere and nice which should have been a clear sign that he was lying!
I get back to DC and Jason returns my call when he gets off work. He tells me that Kenny hit my car when he was drunk. Jason said Kenny never said anything about hitting my car but there was silver paint on his bumper. Up to this point I hadn’t been mad but with the added element of drunk driving I became pissed. Drunk driving is stupid. Drunk driving is especially stupid when you can’t even get out of your driveway without hitting something.
I tell/ask Jason that Kenny is going to pay for the repairs. Jason is apologizing over and over. He feels so bad. Jason is actually nice so this reaction seems normal and appropriate (unlike Hal’s reaction). I get off the phone with Jason and call Hal. I tell him what Jason told me and he seems mad. He’s going on about his friends being jerks. He tells me that he talked to Steve after I called earlier and that Steve was going to send a car over to see if the dent could be sucked out. Perfect solution!
When Hal picks me up to drive me back down to the hood he informs me that Steve sent a car over and they were able to suck out the dent. Hal wasn’t sure what the door looked like but it was better than the dimple. I agreed and was excited. When we get to the boys’ house they are all outside because the two Jasons are about to split for work. I, because I am the NICEST person they know, give Jason the gift I got him while in Denver for watching my car! Yup, I still gave it to him. You’re welcome, jerk!
Jason quickly informs me that Kenny is refusing to pay. What!?! And he hasn’t been home in days. What!?! I ask Steve for the bill and he hands me an invoice for $1500. WHAT!?! Panic sets in because I just spent 20 minutes of the trip down complaining to Hal that the vacation to Denver had left my bank account seriously depleted. seriously….depleted. I’m freaking out. Hal’s right when he says I was just planning on taking the bill back to Newport News, not paying and/or suing Kenny (I am a lawyer after all). That was the plan until Steve and Hal mention something about a lien. uh oh. Again, me…panicking. Flanagan attempts to make me feel better by complimenting me on my boobs. Thanks, Flanagan, but not right now.
We go and look at the car. I compliment Steve on the work telling him the door looks great. What a chump! I walk back to Hal’s truck to get my insurance card. Hal calls me back over to look at a picture of one of his friends on his phone. I initially refuse telling him that I don’t have time to care about his delinquent friend’s problems at the moment. He assures me it is worth the walk back. When I go back over he shows me a picture of my car. Then he shows me another picture with a photoshopped dent. Son of a…!!! I was too relieved to not have to pay money I didn’t have that I couldn’t be mad. I’m a good sport, which is probably why they decided to mess with me, and give credit where credit is due. This was an impeccably executed prank. Also, these boys are scary good liars. And that’s coming from a lawyer!